Diwali has always been symbolic of the triumph of the good over evil. In many parts of India, it also signifies the replacement of the old with new, which is why, in many homes, walls are white-washed and dusty corners are cleaned, new utensils and jewellery are bought and old clothes are doled out to the poor.
It is this latter idea that is my way of identifying with the festival of lights.
However, as Diwali approaches this time, I think about a different kind of cleansing - that of one's inner self.
If you are thinking that the rest of this blog would be a patronizing passage on morality and virtuousness or on the infinite powers of yoga and meditation(both are infinitely powerful, though), then you are mistaken.
On the contrary, I shall write about some techniques I discovered, to deal with pain. Although these techniques can be used by anyone, they might be more applicable to women, the reason being that women incorporate feelings into their actions and their decisions often involve the gentle heart rather than the shrewd mind.
I have focused on accepting the pain in every aspect and then moving on, not on what or who caused it.So here goes:
Cry, but keep the tears for the weekend
Take time off on a weekend to constructively deal with your pain.
Listen to your favourite sad songs, watch every tear-jerker, be a swollen-eyed mess, do everything it takes to mourn your loss. But resolve to get over it by Monday.Also, it would be better if nobody was around.You don't want to answer irritating, albeit well-meaning questions.
Keep it a Secret
Unless you have an extremely trusted friend or relative around, do not share your woe with anyone.
You do not want to be wrongly judged as being overly sentimental or thought of as weak or vulnerable, do you?(People will invariably judge you so, if you tell them your story)
Let It Go
Remember how Geet in Jab We Met helps Aditya heal his broken heart, by asking him to burn his ex-fiancée's picture and flush it down a commode?
What Aditya performs is a little ritual. Paulo Coelho explains the importance of rituals in the Tradition of Moon, in many of his books.
A ritual symbolizes that you are taking stock of the situation, and you want to get rid of everything related to the incident or person(s) that/who caused you pain, even memories.It is also a controlled way of venting out your anger particularly when there is nobody you can bash.
Be creative and design your own ritual.
An example of a ritual would be to write everything on sheets of paper. Then burn the sheets after tearing them to bits and pieces.
Empathize with and Empower others
Bond strongly with your girl/guy gang respectively.Fetch out old contacts and find old friends.Investing in them is like putting your money in a Post Office account. Old friends are people you can fall back on even after years.
Be there for them when they need you. Listen patiently, wipe a tear, be the shoulder,hug and encourage.
Shop for your favourite people
If there is a saree you have been wanting to buy your mom since ages, now is the best time to do it. All the show that salesmen put up for you would do wonders to heal that achy-breaky heart.
Contemplate over a cup of coffee
When you are in a position to re-visit old memories without feeling the pain, look back and think about where you went wrong.
Quit if you find yourself starting a mental blaming-game.
You can come back later.
Be hard on yourself once you realize your mistakes.
The mistakes could be anything like having done a half-hearted job, or not being able to balance personal and work lives efficiently or holding others' interests above your own to your own disadvantage.
Anything that makes you realize that your misfortune was your own doing.
Try a trivial but difficult penance. Something like staying away from something you love to eat for some time. Forgive yourself eventually.
Remember the title of this post always.
Finally, to all the people reading this, I have the following things to say:
Life, I realize as I live on, very rarely consists of absolute demarcations. Consequently, there is hardly ever a right or wrong thing to do, or a black or white character.There can be only good or bad experiences. Again there is no bad experience that cannot be looked at under a different light, as every experience teaches us something important.Never fear for there is absolutely nothing to be scared of.
Happy Diwali :)