Monday, February 15, 2016

On healing internal wounds, etc.

When Consciousness manifested as Creation, that was the only instance that anything ever happened without a memory.
Since then, everything that has been happening has been crystallized into space time. Thus our minds keep repeating to us what our ancestors told themselves subconsciously. This collective ancestral memory perhaps passes through our genes. Perhaps there is an algorithm for every individual that decides exactly which nerves fire up in the event of rejection, criticism or failure and which kind of childhood memories these incidents trigger.  And perhaps, how each person consequently deals with this new crisis coupled with the sudden onslaught of unpleasant memories, makes each of us so uniquely beautiful. These agonizing internal battles mostly end in 2 ways -
1) The storm causes too much destruction around in the form of blaming, fault-finding, feeling victimised, seeking closure outside, plotting and exacting revenge, feeling guilty for being wrathful, forgiveness and reconciliation.

2) The painful memories give way to the sunshine of pleasant memories of accomplishment, achievements, victories, peace and contentment. One actively seeks closure and healing on his own through knowledge, introspection and looks at the truth objectively by dissociating himself from the situation.

Often when the latter happens, it comes with a gush of original wisdom, inspiration and some form of creative release.

While understanding the purpose of everything, the mind, if you've established a fairly decent rapport with it will bring you to this shore : There is Nothing - absolutely zero, zilch, nil to be deciphered, understood, discovered, or be enlightened about. How the mind brings you here is the interesting bit and all paths broadly fall into one of these two :  

1) The path of disbelief, of darkness, of the absolute abandonment of wonder and the suspension of imagination. This path is boring.

2) The path of faith, of wonder, of miracles, of Gods and godmen, of tears of anguish and joys in redemption, of boons and curses, of beauty and the mundane, of opposites and their enchantment with each other. This path is very interesting because it contains creation in its entirety (without cherry picking). This path is very interesting.

But when the shore is reached, one must bid adieu to dear mind and set sail on his own.
Ultimately this voyage will annihilate everything one identifies with. Thus it is not not difficult to see how both paths above can lead to the same state.

The final destination is the return of the original innocence, an eternal silence, it is the final dissolution of my face and yours and every mask one wore on the journey, from universal memory.
It is the great purge and also the most resplendent reunion. It is the cessation of fear forever, it is also being what you truly are.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Take off!

Amidst your mundane, robotic activities that constitute life, pause suddenly and spontaneously.
Turn around to heed to the chirping birds, respond to the trees - tall and handsome, and so very green. While walking on a lane flanked with trees, look for long at the tapestry that the leaves have formed at a distance. Stop and stare, wonderstruck, as you would be if you saw them for the first time (even if you've walked this lane everyday for the past several years of your life). Stop to smile at little children who wait intently for your sparkling glance, lift them for indeed their place is within loving hearts.

Watch movies with all your attention but do not remember how they end (so that when you watch them again, it'll be like the first time).
Remember everyday to pause suddenly and spontaneously, (without having planned for it previously in any way), for real understanding descends in these pauses. That this exquisite world with its chivalrous and respectable mountains, the charming rivers and elegant oceans, its adorable birds and delightful flowers took milleniums to become so that you would arrive one day and walk amidst them for some time, stunned at the breathtaking beauty of it all.

Occasionally,  you may find your consciousness at the brink of the unbearbly dense, teethering to take flight in to the infinite expanse of lightness, like a satellite on its final moments in orbit before escaping into the peaceful void beyond the iron-grip of gravitation.

It is at this very edge of gravitas that life's most valuable realisations lie. And when you wake up on another day, you would have turned into a different person, with just the distant memory of the person you were a long time ago, someone who amidst intolerable grief and heart-breaking agony was able to lift the weight of it all and turn it into Nothing.
Or perhaps something slightly significant, akin to inspiration.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

A Myth called Closure

Seems like yesterday when you'd caught hold of my diary and wouldn't give it back before sneaking a peek. You'd opened the pages where I'd written this:

Be the home I return to for laughter 
When I turn around let me find you laughing too

Be there 

to share with me what I lovingly cook up
let your heart be a canvass for my colours
Let me paint my dreams

Be there
when I bring home a homeless little baby
Help me bring her up.

Be my church and my temple
Pardon me when I err

Be successful in what you do
so that I can take inspiration


Was that the day when you'd sealed the fate of our friendship?

I know the kind of jokes that would make you laugh, that you like to listen more than speak, that you stop for that clandestine cigarette not in front of the stall in front of your apartment but at the one a little further away (although the chances of your mother (who probably knows that you smoke) discovering you smoke are very remote). 


I know that you value your friendships. Once when we were walking with friends, I fell behind to tie my laces, to see if you would turn around and wait till I caught up. You did.
I know these these things about you (that will absolutely of no use to me soon)
 
Whom are you kidding? I know you like me, you always have.
You are at peace when I am around as if there is order suddenly in this chaotic world, as if everything is as it should be in our random lives. I know this about us.

This knowing you and being friends with you didn't happen in a day.


This note though is about today.

Unlike every other time, today I spared the pillion on your bike for your fiancee. Obviously dancing with you was out of the question at the club. Thus, while you were dancing with your fiancee I was left at the gracious company of her friends.
Occasionally I stole a glance to see if you were happy. I caught you looking at me wondering if I was feeling lost among new people. 


Your fiancee, I am sure, is a fine woman. One day, she'll know you more closely than I've known you.Can there be an end to how much there is to know about a person?

Occasionally in those stolen moments while deeply inhaling a smoke, you would perhaps think of me, of those long drives along pristine beaches, on silken roads.

Having let you go, I on the other hand would forever have the satisfaction of having known you once in my own way and having written about it.


Friday, January 9, 2015

On cartoons and anger management

The following is a list of human activities infinitely more cruel and harmful than drawing cartoons or being satirical. These however have nothing in common with what any self-stylized godman, priest or prophet or seer has ever prohibited. Not so surprisingly, these have also not been mentioned in any religious texts.

1) deforestation
2) dumping toxic chemical waste into natural water bodies
3) sweeping seabeds clean while killing million fishes and destroying aquatic ecosystems
4) hunting tigers, whales, dolphins for trade and fun
5) killing animals for food
6) circumscision - because the creator made you with foreskin and you obviously know better
7) killing fellow humans - because thats what you do when you are angry and you are always angry
8) evading taxes - because you owe nothing to the government and your country for your identity
9) hoarding wealth while millions starve
10) abducting and raping women and children
11) exploiting the less mightier through pornography and prostitution
12) creating wealth by trading drugs and weapons which are used to crush the innocent and meek
13) being remorseless about the above

For those who don't understand sarcasm and cynicism i'll put it more plainly:
If you find yourself burning with mad rage and uncontrollable anger use the above list to give direction and reason to your wrath. Perhaps the godmen you respect and revere may even be proud of you. And reserve some special houris in heaven in your name.

Friday, December 19, 2014

On love and remembrance

The only bit of reality that has ever made sense is that outside of this earth bursting with billions of humans, there is not a single entity who'll return your smile or say hi or share a drink with you.

And the wonder that's keeping the stars apart is how your smile lights up my day, making me forget the billion people, the stars and the universe.

There aint no sunshine when you're gone, as i remember that i can never forget that teaming millions spend their lives on roads, with wretched hunger in their stomachs, that thousands would repair their leaky rooftops and send their children to schools if only they had a little more money.

Kuch na tha yaad ba-jus kaar-e-mohabbat
Ye jo bigra hai tou kaam kayee yaad aaye