What you seek has always been with you
भला हुआ मेरी मटकी फूटी रे
मैं तो पनिया भरन से छूटी रे
The easiest way to cauterise the mind-body-identity connection is to get your heart broken multiple times in a life time if that is possible. Because this is when the mind is truly open to listening to the Truth. And if you have the Guru's grace, each time the Truth appears to save the mind from insanity or compelling the body from taking it's own life.
This time Grace appeared on the form of 3 books from Ramana ashram.
But before I delve into the process of untangling the mind from its own machinations - I want to spend some time with some of the questions and arguments that the mind raises to the unflinching Self once faced with the Truth.
Some of my favourite ones are below:
Mind : "But what do you do ? What are your actions ? What is your purpose ?"
Self : "To always be as I am - unchanging, unaffected, timeless, eternal."
M, in it's typical boisterous style : "That's what one would say who can't do anything, haha"
S : Silence. Then the mind instantly and immediately recollects each and every strife, struggle and effort it had made since in every situation, every relationship, every examination and how little it actually was able to accomplish in spite of all it's mostly well-meaning and sometimes scheming ways. That even after reaching every goal how short-lived and fleeting the joy was. And how quickly it positioned itself towards a new goal, milestone, a target.
M, humbled and in tears : "Why did you put in me desires which I wouldn't be able to fulfill with my own efforts ?"
S : "How else would you "return" your attention to Me ? If I took any step towards you, I wouldn't be Me. Only the Guru can introduce us or remind you of Me. And if only there is Grace.
When I wanted to show you the myriad of universes I created, I became Brahma. When I wanted to show you how to take care of these systems keep them in motion - I became Vishnu. When I wanted to inhabit in these systems with you - I became Shiva.
When the actions of these mighty Titans have not moved you - how would you be drawn to formless Me ?
Additionally even on meeting me and realising that you and your creations are in me, you insist on having a separate identity."
M : "Why did I leave you ?"
S: "Because it is steady, silent and calm here and now and you love drama. You love the story you create based on memories in which you portray yourself as noble, funny, creative, generous and kind."
A dialogue from a popular Bollywood movie quips : "Aapko toh pata hai mujhe singing and dancing ka kitna shawk hai..."
S : "Because you love to keep searching for the 'Truth' or 'unconditional love' or 'timeless wisdom' in an imaginary world and being disappointed on finding nothing. And then you love to read about what people in the past did about such matters in order to understand the pilgrims progress and then to write about this marvellous adventure of searching for everything and finding Nothing.
M : "why can you not be found ?"
S : "There is nothing to be found because it was never lost. It is like when you wake up in the morning and feel that you lost an earring and turn your whole house upside down only to find the earring was stuck in your hair or better still, all the while in your ears."
M : "But I want the fairytale ending. The movie-ending...in which the divine union manifests also as a physical union in this imaginary world"
S : "What if you already have it, but only a gazillion times better and forever? In the movies, the false identification of the characters with their mind-body identity doesn't end.
But in your life, by the Guru's grace you can look at Reality and make the right decision.
Actually all decisions have been and will be right, as they were made by the Self. As the all-pervading and all-knowing Self, nothing can go wrong even in the imaginary world created by imaginary you. Whatever happens is by my design and will."
M : "This sounds like fundamentalist rote-learning or wisdom after a sour-grapes situation"
S : "It is not because you can test it for trueness...
In every outcome based on a different understanding about Reality, there is misery as the mind is never satisfied even if it has accomplished and achieved and ruled and plundered and destroyed. If the mind and it's machinations were true, then these actions would have brought lasting peace and tranquility.
This is the only outcome based on the right understanding about the Reality in which you, the mind will realise the Truth about everything and find peace if you surrender."
M : "I like the story I turned myself into. How do I surrender when I don't want to ?"
S : "You don't want to is relatively true in your imaginary mindy-body conceptual world but that the surrender has not taken place in Reality is false. You were surrendered the moment you created yourself and have been surrendered ever since. It just appears as if there is something left to be done - that surrender has to take place.
If a child leaves his home, does the mother stop being his mother while he is gone ?"
******
Tears streamed down the young woman's face. The seance sitting in front of her kept narrating bytes from the Akashic records with her eyes half closed as if partly present in this realm and partly in some other.
Apparently there was promise, a soul contract by which her soul has promised to remain in service of the Mother Divine in every birth - to feed Her, clothe Her, keep a roof above Her head all the while amuse Her, give Her company and protect Her even at the cost of her own life.
And even if this woman had forgotten her promise, the Mother had remembered - she had brought pain, rejection and disappointment in every relationship where the young woman had only searched for love and happiness. Mother Divine had also given her resources and the intelligence to enable her to keep up her promise.
Mother Divine who resided in her own heart as her own Self had immaculate execution.
*******
M : "why cannot I have both ? You and the fairy-tale ending, why do I have to choose ?"
S : "you can if you are adept at keeping up the charade while being the Self all the while. But be honest - hasn't it always become about your belief system vs. theirs, your likes vs. theirs, your nature vs. theirs, between your own body'desires vs. the society's moral code ?
Even if you are perfectly aligned and happy, there will be this tug of war about if you are serving me well or just spending all your time in the company of your loved ones having forgotten me.
Although every service ultimately returns to the Self, your identification creates 3 - You, the world and Me. But there is only One, so where is the question of having both ?"
M : "Okay. But I don't constantly feel your presence."
S : "Was I not present in all those times ? When I am not speaking to you from your heart, I am in their hearts whom you serve with love. When have I ever left you? I will be here even when you won't be."
M : "Hmm. Didn't I offer my severed head to you in my meditations and feed you all my conflicts ?"
S : "That is why and how we are having this conversation..."
M, tearfully : "You didn't forsake me even when I have ..."
S : "Now let me show you why ..."
The mind was reminded of all those instances when defeated, broken, rejected it always sought and found refuge, solace, energy, zeal, juice, encouragement only with the Guru and the Primordial One.
M : "how do I always remain with you here and now?"
S : "You will begin to remain with me when you can consider that the Truth may not be explosive, magnificent, bombastic, mind-boggling, earth shattering or any other terrific adjective that you expect it to be.
Can you accept a simple, boring and plain Truth as long as you shall be ?"
M : "Hell no...I'd be bored. Even Parshuram was tired of the relentless rituals of adoring Lalita Ma for 12 years even if he started out with full zeal and enthusiasm..."
S : "I was the same in all those years as I am now. Both him and you have a lot of time in your hands. Go deeper in meditation to dissolve in Me."
M : "I am scared that in the end I won't be... I am also scared that if you appear in your full form my body might die out of over whelm "
S : "But when you are in your separate identity, this is all you strive for..."
M : "Wait ... I am terrified of what I am seeking ?"
S : "Aren't you ?"
Somewhere a peppy Bollywood number belted out - "Mil gaya humko saathi mil gaya...o..o..jal gaya.."
****
Over the years of figuring life out on my own one thing I have seen working consistently is how we can change external outcomes only by making changes within ourselves.
One thing that almost never works is if we try to change external outcomes by brute force. Especially in relationships. A temporary solution might emerge but one is immediately aware of disgruntled feelings, silence and general unease in their surroundings.
A better way for such situations in general is to reflect deeply on what part within ourselves does the conflict exist and to pray to the Self for strength, maturity, understanding and wisdom to be able to rise to the new person or situation.
As we move on with our lives I might forget or even take for granted how easy it was to become friends with Ro after every disagreement, even some horrible ones.
To be Ro's friend, one has to sign up to be guinea pig to his pranks eternally - one moment he is flirting with you, the next he is telling you he is married and therefore he can't meet you.
When you believe that he is already married and move on with your life, he appears again to be say hi and be friends with you.
The algorithm, even AI will read our face and clearly warn us that a particular space or a person is not the best or ideal for us. And this is where there is a risk of being misguided. Although at that moment ot may seem like AI is concerned about 'our' well-being - this is similar to the situation where the sly and cunning Manthra filled Queen Kaikeyi's head with lies against her beloved son Ram.
Our heart where the Self resides knows exactly why it has brought a person or a situation into our life. It knows exactly where we struggle and what we have already aced. It knows exactly what situation to create to break the delusion of false identification of our minds.
Beneath a rough misogynistic veneer, I found in my friend Ro , a solid unchanging presence which would not mould according to my mind's machinations as much as I tried. Such is the case with many egoistic persons. The ego appears unflinching like the true self but doesn't have the wisdom or the dynamism to contain the myriad shapes, forms, dilemmas and stories.
Nevertheless, the despair arising out of engaging with such rigidity cracks the heart open from which the light of Truth can finally come in.
Without going into the morality of things - whether the truth should have been told or not, if my feelings would change if the truth was not favorable to my situation, etc. - my mind was able to push through the confusion and liberate itself through the right understanding.
For this and the constant non-judgemental presence, I stand eternally grateful to my Guru and Ro.
आओ सखी मिली चौसर खेलें पी अपने के साथ , जीत गई तो मिले गुसांई हारी मैं पी के साथ ।।
The easiest way to cauterise the mind-body-identity connection is to get your heart broken multiple times in a life time if that is possible. Because this is when the mind is truly open to listening to the Truth. And if you have the Guru's grace, each time the Truth appears to save the mind from insanity or compelling the body from taking it's own life.
This time Grace appeared on the form of 3 books from Ramana ashram.
But before I delve into the process of untangling the mind from its own machinations - I want to spend some time with some of the questions and arguments that the mind raises to the unflinching Self once faced with the Truth.
Some of my favourite ones are below:
Mind : "But what do you do ? What are your actions ? What is your purpose ?"
Self : "To always be as I am - unchanging, unaffected, timeless, eternal."
M, in it's typical boisterous style : "That's what one would say who can't do anything, haha"
S : Silence. Then the mind instantly and immediately recollects each and every strife, struggle and effort it had made since in every situation, every relationship, every examination and how little it actually was able to accomplish in spite of all it's mostly well-meaning and sometimes scheming ways. That even after reaching every goal how short-lived and fleeting the joy was. And how quickly it positioned itself towards a new goal, milestone, a target.
M, humbled and in tears : "Why did you put in me desires which I wouldn't be able to fulfill with my own efforts ?"
S : "How else would you "return" your attention to Me ? If I took any step towards you, I wouldn't be Me. Only the Guru can introduce us or remind you of Me. And if only there is Grace.
When I wanted to show you the myriad of universes I created, I became Brahma. When I wanted to show you how to take care of these systems keep them in motion - I became Vishnu. When I wanted to inhabit in these systems with you - I became Shiva.
When the actions of these mighty Titans have not moved you - how would you be drawn to formless Me ?
Additionally even on meeting me and realising that you and your creations are in me, you insist on having a separate identity."
M : "Why did I leave you ?"
S: "Because it is steady, silent and calm here and now and you love drama. You love the story you create based on memories in which you portray yourself as noble, funny, creative, generous and kind."
A dialogue from a popular Bollywood movie quips : "Aapko toh pata hai mujhe singing and dancing ka kitna shawk hai..."
S : "Because you love to keep searching for the 'Truth' or 'unconditional love' or 'timeless wisdom' in an imaginary world and being disappointed on finding nothing. And then you love to read about what people in the past did about such matters in order to understand the pilgrims progress and then to write about this marvellous adventure of searching for everything and finding Nothing.
M : "why can you not be found ?"
S : "There is nothing to be found because it was never lost. It is like when you wake up in the morning and feel that you lost an earring and turn your whole house upside down only to find the earring was stuck in your hair or better still, all the while in your ears."
M : "But I want the fairytale ending. The movie-ending...in which the divine union manifests also as a physical union in this imaginary world"
S : "What if you already have it, but only a gazillion times better and forever? In the movies, the false identification of the characters with their mind-body identity doesn't end.
But in your life, by the Guru's grace you can look at Reality and make the right decision.
Actually all decisions have been and will be right, as they were made by the Self. As the all-pervading and all-knowing Self, nothing can go wrong even in the imaginary world created by imaginary you. Whatever happens is by my design and will."
M : "This sounds like fundamentalist rote-learning or wisdom after a sour-grapes situation"
S : "It is not because you can test it for trueness...
In every outcome based on a different understanding about Reality, there is misery as the mind is never satisfied even if it has accomplished and achieved and ruled and plundered and destroyed. If the mind and it's machinations were true, then these actions would have brought lasting peace and tranquility.
This is the only outcome based on the right understanding about the Reality in which you, the mind will realise the Truth about everything and find peace if you surrender."
M : "I like the story I turned myself into. How do I surrender when I don't want to ?"
S : "You don't want to is relatively true in your imaginary mindy-body conceptual world but that the surrender has not taken place in Reality is false. You were surrendered the moment you created yourself and have been surrendered ever since. It just appears as if there is something left to be done - that surrender has to take place.
If a child leaves his home, does the mother stop being his mother while he is gone ?"
******
Tears streamed down the young woman's face. The seance sitting in front of her kept narrating bytes from the Akashic records with her eyes half closed as if partly present in this realm and partly in some other.
Apparently there was promise, a soul contract by which her soul has promised to remain in service of the Mother Divine in every birth - to feed Her, clothe Her, keep a roof above Her head all the while amuse Her, give Her company and protect Her even at the cost of her own life.
And even if this woman had forgotten her promise, the Mother had remembered - she had brought pain, rejection and disappointment in every relationship where the young woman had only searched for love and happiness. Mother Divine had also given her resources and the intelligence to enable her to keep up her promise.
Mother Divine who resided in her own heart as her own Self had immaculate execution.
*******
M : "why cannot I have both ? You and the fairy-tale ending, why do I have to choose ?"
S : "you can if you are adept at keeping up the charade while being the Self all the while. But be honest - hasn't it always become about your belief system vs. theirs, your likes vs. theirs, your nature vs. theirs, between your own body'desires vs. the society's moral code ?
Even if you are perfectly aligned and happy, there will be this tug of war about if you are serving me well or just spending all your time in the company of your loved ones having forgotten me.
Although every service ultimately returns to the Self, your identification creates 3 - You, the world and Me. But there is only One, so where is the question of having both ?"
M : "Okay. But I don't constantly feel your presence."
S : "Was I not present in all those times ? When I am not speaking to you from your heart, I am in their hearts whom you serve with love. When have I ever left you? I will be here even when you won't be."
M : "Hmm. Didn't I offer my severed head to you in my meditations and feed you all my conflicts ?"
S : "That is why and how we are having this conversation..."
M, tearfully : "You didn't forsake me even when I have ..."
S : "Now let me show you why ..."
The mind was reminded of all those instances when defeated, broken, rejected it always sought and found refuge, solace, energy, zeal, juice, encouragement only with the Guru and the Primordial One.
M : "how do I always remain with you here and now?"
S : "You will begin to remain with me when you can consider that the Truth may not be explosive, magnificent, bombastic, mind-boggling, earth shattering or any other terrific adjective that you expect it to be.
Can you accept a simple, boring and plain Truth as long as you shall be ?"
M : "Hell no...I'd be bored. Even Parshuram was tired of the relentless rituals of adoring Lalita Ma for 12 years even if he started out with full zeal and enthusiasm..."
S : "I was the same in all those years as I am now. Both him and you have a lot of time in your hands. Go deeper in meditation to dissolve in Me."
M : "I am scared that in the end I won't be... I am also scared that if you appear in your full form my body might die out of over whelm "
S : "But when you are in your separate identity, this is all you strive for..."
M : "Wait ... I am terrified of what I am seeking ?"
S : "Aren't you ?"
Somewhere a peppy Bollywood number belted out - "Mil gaya humko saathi mil gaya...o..o..jal gaya.."
****
Over the years of figuring life out on my own one thing I have seen working consistently is how we can change external outcomes only by making changes within ourselves.
One thing that almost never works is if we try to change external outcomes by brute force. Especially in relationships. A temporary solution might emerge but one is immediately aware of disgruntled feelings, silence and general unease in their surroundings.
A better way for such situations in general is to reflect deeply on what part within ourselves does the conflict exist and to pray to the Self for strength, maturity, understanding and wisdom to be able to rise to the new person or situation.
As we move on with our lives I might forget or even take for granted how easy it was to become friends with Ro after every disagreement, even some horrible ones.
To be Ro's friend, one has to sign up to be guinea pig to his pranks eternally - one moment he is flirting with you, the next he is telling you he is married and therefore he can't meet you.
When you believe that he is already married and move on with your life, he appears again to be say hi and be friends with you.
The algorithm, even AI will read our face and clearly warn us that a particular space or a person is not the best or ideal for us. And this is where there is a risk of being misguided. Although at that moment ot may seem like AI is concerned about 'our' well-being - this is similar to the situation where the sly and cunning Manthra filled Queen Kaikeyi's head with lies against her beloved son Ram.
Our heart where the Self resides knows exactly why it has brought a person or a situation into our life. It knows exactly where we struggle and what we have already aced. It knows exactly what situation to create to break the delusion of false identification of our minds.
Beneath a rough misogynistic veneer, I found in my friend Ro , a solid unchanging presence which would not mould according to my mind's machinations as much as I tried. Such is the case with many egoistic persons. The ego appears unflinching like the true self but doesn't have the wisdom or the dynamism to contain the myriad shapes, forms, dilemmas and stories.
Nevertheless, the despair arising out of engaging with such rigidity cracks the heart open from which the light of Truth can finally come in.
Without going into the morality of things - whether the truth should have been told or not, if my feelings would change if the truth was not favorable to my situation, etc. - my mind was able to push through the confusion and liberate itself through the right understanding.
For this and the constant non-judgemental presence, I stand eternally grateful to my Guru and Ro.
आओ सखी मिली चौसर खेलें पी अपने के साथ , जीत गई तो मिले गुसांई हारी मैं पी के साथ ।।
Comments