Being Me

So that I remember later and can refer to it whenever required.

On being asked to step up to the next level of accumulating possessions and becoming 

another corporate carbon copy, I turned them down. I moved out of the organisation. I sent the parents packing homewards. I didn’t feel like I was ready. My spirit had given up, I felt so exhausted.

I was tired of waiting - for things to be simpler, for natural awesomeness to be, for me not having to convince another why they should invest their time, energy and money on me.

I just couldn’t stand it anymore.

I suddenly felt misunderstood by my family - Everybody was moving around with their own agenda built around their fragile ideas about security - financial, emotional, psychological and physical.

Security is extremely essential for me too except for the little bit where we aren’t living authentically - doing what we really like to do, being relaxed and thereby kind, easy-going, humorous and there by automatically, intuitively in control.

I felt a number of people could do a lot more to show that they cared, I know I have stepped outside of my comfort zone far too many times - for absolute strangers. It isn’t difficult, it doesn’t require a great display of strength or bravery or even courage. In fact it doesn’t require even a thought.

One only need to pay attention to everything around - plants, children, animals, humans.

So I decided to side with my spirit- the ever enthusiastic, holder of Herculean courage, the eternally hopeful one. I decided to stop waiting and embark on that journey that doesn’t require for taxes to be filed year on year, that isn’t constantly saving for the future, that isn’t worried about seeking a relationship for whatever it has to offer.

A personal journey that would unfold with every world I wrote, juicier than Eurotrips, and travel blogs - a journey that would engage most of my attention, energy, restlessness, passion, creativity, drive.

I needed to live more in that natural space of simplicity, joy, connectedness, peace, contentment, laughter - and I needed to believe that such a space could provide sustenance to an individual in all possible ways that an individual needs sustenance.

And so I stopped holding on to all the definitions I had of myself.  I believed and let myself go in pursuit of meaning and purpose.

Just like that.